Thursday, May 20, 2010

Still, and dreaming of playing guitars..

The events of these last few days have been affirming my place. I am coming to a space where I better Understand and am more capable of presenting to the world my Gifts. It took all the time necessary for me to find True Love for mySelf to realize what it is that's really there.. I'm not really one for affirmations (I don't like the idea of repeating mantras just to 'trick' my Self into feeling how I do not - I'd much rather work through to the reason behind my state and treat it's core), but I believe that the Self these days has been whispering affirmations to me.. Through all of you.. Through Aiyana Jones. I'm finding my Truths in song lyrics and answers are being revealed to me through my dreams.. And I have been listening.. I've been growing. I am thanking my Self through you, and thanking you from the deepest pits of my Self.. If that makes any sense.. I suppose I should explain a little as to where I am right now.

I've just been listening.. That's what the goal for this year has been. I've found such profound Truth throughout and behind the words I've heard. Sometimes you're just so constantly bombarded with the chaos of words and emotions and whatnot that it never really seeps in.. It just washes over you, and you're responding more to the words or the moment's emotion than you are the truest sentiments behind either. I've sipped of some profound and beautiful minds.. I've choked on many a toxic and destructive mindset.. Most importantly, though, I've come to see where I stand amongst all of this noise. I've found it so much easier to align myself with mySelf..

I see this Truth when I'm enraged by the ignorance that the world around me spews at times. I feel my passions blinding me, feel my opinions and biases building up.. Then I step back. It's so much easier to see from a dispassionate perspective. Not to suggest that I don't care - I care to no end, it seems. I'm constantly beating back my opinions. I'm always going off on "I can't stand this bullshit" rants.. But when I finally step back (after whatever damage is done), I See. I may not always Get it, but I Understand.. I may not always like this person's views or sentiments or mind - but I see all there is to love and would feel foolish not to. And through such a mind I am more assured of my own.

And then there are the glimmers of light in the hearts and minds of many I've come to acknowledge.. The Truths that we all share - the ones we find along our respective Ways. And such light shocks me to no end. Such love astounds me to no limits. I grow through respecting these Truths or refining them, applying them to different portions of my existence. I think on them when I feel in the back of my mind that I'm slipping from a better path for mySelf..

Such is the way the Light of this world has shined upon me.. Such is my (and every other's) blessing.

Aiyana Jones proved to be confirmation of my path. Her tragedy spoke to many a heart and I was touched - both by her and by those who love her. The passion within the 'conscious' community has amazed me. Where I differ from my counterparts, however, is how I feel such passion should be applied. There are broken hearts all over the nation, now.. To say that I am not worn by such a despicable scenario is false. But I feel more that what has passed should make us more eager to allow and accept the change our world needs within our very Selves, not in any heart and mind that we assume isn't paying attention. To acknowledge her and to be Aware of her story - and to feel to the core for this child - makes Me aware of the changes that need to be addressed and lived within myself.

There's no prejudice that I can hold worth an innocent child's life. There's no hatred worth maintaining at the cost of someone's sweet and purest Love. There's no enemy I can fathom that hasn't ever experienced my pain. Surely the rest of the world will seem set to make this a challenge for me - maintaining such love for all and everyone in a time and space where such Love is the very depiction of weakness. But I am a happier man as I've come to allow myself that love. Get that. Allow MySelf. It's like stumbling upon a Self-Sufficient energy supply. I don't love others looking for love - in the echo chamber between my ears there's so much love for Self that I cannot but help to have it radiate beyond me, to anyone that my light touches. In so doing I promote the bests in those around me, in all that they wish to achieve, and I watch the world at which I find mySelf epicenter of blossom into beautifully positive plains of Self Love and Contentment.

If that's not using the Self to create a better world around me - for myself and all of my past and current struggles, for my friends and all of their youthful growing pains, for my future children and the world I leave to them, and for any other Aiyana's out there that genuinely deserve Better - then I don't imagine that I have thus far been able to find a better way to do so.

The Self speaks to me in my dreams. I just recently had a dream where I was playing the guitar. Now let me first note two things.. 1. I do often (enough -whenever I catch hold of them) translate my dreams. 2. Although I do often (enough) have dejavu experiences (where some scene will play through, and some months later I will live through that same exact scene), this was not one of them. The translation reads:

"To dream of playing a musical instrument forecasts a sudden and surprising change in your lifestyle"

That said - it also speaks to sexual connotations in other references.. I dunno.

I guess my point is that I have a better understanding of exactly where I am and where I'll be than any other or some book chock full of generic interpretations.. Either way, I've never felt as great as I do now about taking my own steps.

Recall Your path, fair ladies and gentlemen - and Walk it.

Infinite Love, and all the positive energy that I can Fathom and we can Foster.

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